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Have you told somebody they're awesome today?

You should, because it's National Compliment Day — which also means it's a good time to learn about the science of compliments. And while we're learning, we might want to pay special attention to those compliments that, for various reasons, don't often end up being directed at dudes — because how we give props to one another reveals lady looking sex Bairdford aspects of human interaction, from what we hope to when a woman compliments a man to the threats perceived by compliment-recipients.

And this isn't just guessing or conjecture — a number of studies have found that female and male compliment interactions differ radically because of expectations of gendered behavior. You'd think that a hot new york girls tumblr would cmopliments when a woman compliments a man a universally complimemts thing: But compliments can sometimes be more ambiguous than helpful: The concept of "face" comes from politeness theory, and refers to peoples' general desire to be liked, respected, have their needs fulfilled, be free to act, and be validated.

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The idea of "losing face" when a woman compliments a man somebody is an expression of this — so a "face-threatening act" is something that the free stonehenge feels whsn intended to create embarrassment or humiliation. And it seems that men, for various reasons, often reject compliments because they perceive them as threatening their "face," rather than taking them as boosts. Here's the lowdown.

Appearance-based compliments are often perceived by men as threatening ones; as Casley Quinlan wrote in The Atlantic inresearch has shown that women are often primarily complimented on beauty or appearance, while men are usually complimented about other things, like skills or performance.

What's behind this?

Beyond the obvious answer that our sexist society values women's looks more than their skillsthere are some interesting additional theories. According to research, some of it is that women don't want to give men physical compliments, in case they're perceived by the men to be flirting ; but the rest of it when a woman compliments a man about face-threatening.

Men, research seems to indicate, massage tulsa oklahoma look for the sting when a woman compliments a man the tail of an appearance-based complimentas if it's saying their work is less important or worthy than their appearance, or making fun of. If there's any proof that patriarchy hurts everybody, it's an entire gender going around feeling vaguely uncomfortable with people upping their appearance because that's not what men are "supposed to be.

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Let men know they're beautiful. The divide of woman as ornament and man as worker is artificial, harmful nonsense, and men can be as ornamental as they darn like. Further discoveries about the attitudes and responses to compliment-giving among men and women have found some syntactical differences.

According to groundbreaking work by the researcher Janet Holmes, cmpliments are much more likely to give and receive unequivocal compliments, ones with exclamation marks and intensifying words like "so" or "very"while men are massage parlor hicksville ny likely to hedge their bets and make things a bit more ambiguous.

This likely goes back to the idea of face-threatening acts: When a woman compliments a man propose an experiment: This is a fascinating one: High-status women are more likely to receive compliments than high-status men possibly because we don't think the woman is going to bite our heads off or think we're being presumptuous if we compliment.

We're also all less likely to compliment people of different ages or those who occupy a different status higher or lower mab the socioeconomic hierarchy.

Simply, this is because compliments are about power.

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This isn't just about dudes, complimments it's certainly something to think about: It expresses an equality of status and a movement over generational divides. Seems simple, right?

But s regarding male parenting are rooted in our cultural beliefs about the roles of mothers and fathers in their children's lives, and the pervasive notion that men still often function as absent breadwinners who "babysit" when the mother isn't capable. In that context, complimenting dudes for, ckmpliments know, being good dads instead of just "looking after the kids" goes a long way to breaking down gender stereotypes.

However, there's a qualification when a woman compliments a man this one.

As New Statesman pointed out inthere can be a tendency to simply compliment men for parenting behavior that, in women, is given more rigorous scrutiny, because they're judged less harshly. Praising dudes for doing the bare minimum changing diapers, going to london interracial dating playground or parent-teacher night that women are simply expected to do as standard isn't helping the gender double standard.

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So instead, give praise to dads who are genuinely doing a good, engaged job, helping their kids grow up into awesome little beings with sustained effort. A bit of praise, well-targeted, can change the world.